Maybe i can leave

Hey i think i have just had an epiphene. I think i am going to go on the reality show Starting Over. I mean i know i have alot of issues so why not go and get the best proffesisonal help needed. I mean what they do for females and women is remarkable. I told my mom i was thinking about submitting an audition tape and of course the voicemof selfishness comes out"as long as u finish school" God! Sometimes i just want to smack the hell out of her, i mean dont get me wrong i love my mother but she is so non understanding. It cracks me up how everyone my house thinks i am such a fuck up! I mean i know i have my issues but have they ever thought that my issues come from thier lack of understanding. Take for example the time has come for my sisters and i to get ready to go back to college. am excited u kow a new year, a time for me to make up for the shit that i pulled last year. We are suposed to all get an equal allowance u know to help support ourselves because my father dosent want any of us working. Well i knew that my parents would find a stupid reason not to give me the same amount as my two spoild ass sisters........ and i was fuckin right! Come to find out i am only gettig 50 every two weeks while my sistrs get 100 dollars fuckin assholes i tell you.

I mean why the fuck do i get less money than my sister i go to a college in the middle of fuckin no where with no mel plan during the weekend and u think 50 stupid ass dollars are gonna work for me hell no. That isnt even th point why do my sisters get the better deal , bitches i mean i really cant stand my sisters, i wish sometimes that i could severe all ties with them and just be me u know. They are the worst sisters i could have , i mean yeah we have had good times but the bad definitely outweight the bad. I really think that if i do get to do backup and sing on the road i will never call thier asses i really hate my family right now, my anger is growing every day and they dont even see it.

I realize i substitue the attention and affecion i get from guys i date to fill that void i feel when i am at home with my family, but i dont want that anymore ust want to be happy ad when i am around them i'm not.

My father has been present all my life trying to be a good father(yes i said trying) . He did everything fnancially and education wise but emotionally he has a fuckin hard time being there for me. Ithink he makes me the most angry he is so sure that he can support the family on his income when in fact he should be glad i have a job to buy my personal items becasue if i relyed on him i would have not a damn thing! I cant understand how he dosent see my resentment for him, i am angry for him puttin me trough a freshman year of hell and always thinking he knew every fuckin thing and didnt know shit about me. No one did or to this day still dosent!

If my parents were so fuckin bright they wsould know that i am mad as hell and wish i could disown them. I am falling apart in fromt of thier stupis ass eyes and they dont even see it.

My life is so FUCKED UP!!!!


Stay tune: tommorow may be a better day........... i hope!