Diary of a chunky 20 year old

Hey my name in Nina Kenney. I am a twenty year old college student. This blog is going to be a huge release for me. I know my life is very interesting so i figure why notlet other people into it. Enjoy!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Maybe i can leave

Hey i think i have just had an epiphene. I think i am going to go on the reality show Starting Over. I mean i know i have alot of issues so why not go and get the best proffesisonal help needed. I mean what they do for females and women is remarkable. I told my mom i was thinking about submitting an audition tape and of course the voicemof selfishness comes out"as long as u finish school" God! Sometimes i just want to smack the hell out of her, i mean dont get me wrong i love my mother but she is so non understanding. It cracks me up how everyone my house thinks i am such a fuck up! I mean i know i have my issues but have they ever thought that my issues come from thier lack of understanding. Take for example the time has come for my sisters and i to get ready to go back to college. am excited u kow a new year, a time for me to make up for the shit that i pulled last year. We are suposed to all get an equal allowance u know to help support ourselves because my father dosent want any of us working. Well i knew that my parents would find a stupid reason not to give me the same amount as my two spoild ass sisters........ and i was fuckin right! Come to find out i am only gettig 50 every two weeks while my sistrs get 100 dollars fuckin assholes i tell you.

I mean why the fuck do i get less money than my sister i go to a college in the middle of fuckin no where with no mel plan during the weekend and u think 50 stupid ass dollars are gonna work for me hell no. That isnt even th point why do my sisters get the better deal , bitches i mean i really cant stand my sisters, i wish sometimes that i could severe all ties with them and just be me u know. They are the worst sisters i could have , i mean yeah we have had good times but the bad definitely outweight the bad. I really think that if i do get to do backup and sing on the road i will never call thier asses i really hate my family right now, my anger is growing every day and they dont even see it.

I realize i substitue the attention and affecion i get from guys i date to fill that void i feel when i am at home with my family, but i dont want that anymore ust want to be happy ad when i am around them i'm not.

My father has been present all my life trying to be a good father(yes i said trying) . He did everything fnancially and education wise but emotionally he has a fuckin hard time being there for me. Ithink he makes me the most angry he is so sure that he can support the family on his income when in fact he should be glad i have a job to buy my personal items becasue if i relyed on him i would have not a damn thing! I cant understand how he dosent see my resentment for him, i am angry for him puttin me trough a freshman year of hell and always thinking he knew every fuckin thing and didnt know shit about me. No one did or to this day still dosent!

If my parents were so fuckin bright they wsould know that i am mad as hell and wish i could disown them. I am falling apart in fromt of thier stupis ass eyes and they dont even see it.

My life is so FUCKED UP!!!!

Stay tune: tommorow may be a better day........... i hope!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Yes, I am soap opera waiting to be broadcast!

Hello. today is my first official day starting my blog. Yeah and i know alot of people are going to read tis and think that i am damn near the most dramatic 20 year old that lived on the face of the earth, but..... isnt that what blogs are for !

Anywho.. a lil about me. I a a 20 year old college student that live in the wonderful(i say that loosely!) and exciting city of philadelphia. I have been raised here in the city of brotherly hate and for those who live in philly u know philly is not filled woth love but with haters and very aggressive and ultra dramatic people. Anyway topic of todays blog: The reason i am so damn pissed!

Have you ever just looked at your surroundings and knew that something was wrong with it. I come from a middle class home, very well educated parents but yet i feel i am still amoung a bunch of dumbasses. lol! I mean i cant understand how such intelligent people are so incapable of seeing that thier family is so fucked up! Take me for example i may come off as this super happy person that only sees clouds and rainbows and shit.... but for real i am dying to just go somewhere else and just start over never to be known as my identity that i am today.
This summer has been a summer of all summers, i have been in love twice .. yes twice in a matter of 4 months i have loved and i have lost. Whoever said love is blind really understated it.

I first dated this guy (who shall rename nameles) He was everything i thought i wanted. Nice , smart with the poetry that would make any girl give it up on the first date if allowed! I assumed that my emotions for him was real and genuine and that he felt the same, being that the first date we had sex, i swore that was like the icing you know. people say it only take 3 minutes to know if you want to deal with some one in my case 30 seconds. I thought me and this guy were destiny we were like an love that was all our own. We had a connection that was so emotional and spiritual that there was no doubt we were meant to be together................... yeah well that was bullshit we fucked like rabbits in lame mens terms and that was it. To make matters worst i am a lil on the chinky side and for me to let a guy see me naked is like a total guard coming off because a guy who can see my rolls i feel can see my heart,well that was also a shock becasuse he never once said anything negative about my size and i think that is what made me fall so for him. In the end i now kow that i should have been a lil careful when it came to giving my super sized goodies away, but hell dont we al make mistake .........but giving my virginity to this guy was an absolute tragedy!

Tommorow: find out more about me stay tuned it will get very interesting!